Last week I was fortunate to attend a lovely gala for the Westlake Chamber of Commerce at the Austin Country Club. I must admit, part of the fun was in the weeks leading up to the gala, when I was asked several questions regarding gala etiquette. Below are a few common questions that come up during the social season:

    1. When is the appropriate time to send invitations for a gala?  Timing is crucial for charity balls, parties, dinners and events, not just galas. This is true whether the organizer is mailing printed invitations or inviting guests via email and telephone. To put timing in perspective, let’s look at social event guidelines in general:

 

Anniversary party:3-6 weeks
Bar or Bat Mitzvah4 weeks
Bon Voyage partylast moment – 3 weeks
Charity ball/gala6 weeks – 12 weeks
Christmas party4 weeks
Cocktail party1 – 4 weeks
Debutante ball6 weeks – 3 months
Formal dinner3 weeks – 6 months
Graduation party3 weeks
Housewarming party1 – 3 weeks
Informal dinner partyseveral days – 3 weeks
Luncheon Partyseveral days – 2 weeks
Progressive Dinner3 weeks
Teaseveral days – 2 weeks
Thanksgiving dinner2 weeks – 2 months
Very casual partySame day – 2 weeks

 

If the invitation is sent too late, many times the guest has already made a commitment or has alternative plans. If the host is concerned that the invitation may not be calendared, or may be misplaced, then a “save the date” card may be mailed first, with the invitation to follow during the proper mailing window.

2. How do I dress when the invitation does not specify? What is Creative Black Tie? If the invitation does not specify, rely on the host to guide you. Contact the organizer and inquire as to past history, and ask other guests what they plan to wear. It has been helpful to my clients to take a look at wardrobe and attire considerations from a variety of resources.

WHITE TIE
Females:Formal, floor length evening gown, best jewels, gloves.
Males:Full evening regalia. (Black tail coat, matching trousers with single satin or braid stripe, white pique’ wing-collar shirt with stiff front, white pique’ waist coat, studs and white bow tie, black patent shoes, black dress socks).
WHITE TIE & DECORATIONS:
White Tie and White Tie with Decorations is common in Diplomatic Circles. If the guest has received decorations from the military or a foreign government, the decorations may be worn to a public white tie event. It would be inappropriate to wear decorations to a private party, unless the invitation stated “White tie and decorations.”
BLACK TIE:
Females:Formal evening gown or dress,  or dressy cocktail dress.
Males:Black tuxedo jacket, matching trousers, formal (pleated front or pique’) white shirt, black (silk, satin) bow tie, black cummerbund to match tie, optional suspenders, black patent shoes, black dress socks.
BLACK TIE OPTIONAL:
Females:Formal evening gown or dress. Short dressy cocktail dress. Dressy separates (St. John).
Males:Black Tie or a dark suit with a white shirt and a conservative tie.
CREATIVE BLACK TIE:
Females:Formal evening gown or dress, dressy cocktail dress, dressy separates, paired with elegant wrap, brooch or themed jewel.
Males:Black Tie paired with a theme or whimsical approach such as Texas Longhorns, or tropical paradise. A black or white shirt is paired with matching bow tie and cummerbund; black patent shoes, black dress socks, and studs.
SEMIFORMAL:
Females:Short, afternoon dress. Cocktail dress. Long, dressy shirt and top.
Males:Dark, wool business suit (with matching vest if desired) white shirt, conservative tie, leather shoes, dress socks, pocket accent (if desired).

3.       What should I do when arriving at a gala?  Just before arrival, read the invitation again. Refresh your memory and your date’s memory about the honorees, the awards, and the hosts. What are their spouses’ names? Whom do I need to meet, greet, and thank upon arrival and departure? Be sure to check in upon arrival, receive the program and check your coat or wrap. As a guest, be calm and gracious. Circulate and greet others. Remember that the person who does not acknowledge you when they see you, and know you, is behaving inappropriately and immaturely. When you see someone that you know at a social event, it is appropriate to greet them and say “Good evening, it is good to see you.”

4.       What is the appropriate decorum at a gala?  We observe our colleagues and wonder, what will it be like to spend time with that person? What happens when the chips are down? Can I trust her to do the right thing when I step out of the room? That will either be a resounding “yes” or “no.”  Stop, and think about your behavior. If you are making loud catcalls or whistling, it may be time to rethink your approach.

Even at local chamber events, minding your gala manners will save you from embarrassment and help you shine as a true professional.

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